Tuesday, March 20, 2007
A few conversations you could have overheard
1. Matty B.: So, you all don't celebrate St. Patrick's Day?
Me: No, not really.
Matty B.: Because you're a Kven?
2. Me: I'm telling you, trailer in the country, lots of cats, and I'll sit on the front porch with a shotgun and keep the world at bay.
The missus: That's starting to sound good.
3. Me (an internal monologue): We could fly to London, take the train to Chester or Wolverhampton, catch an EPL match, then see the reunited Squeeze, all in one weekend. How much could that be?
[Mouse clicks, keyboard clicks, several "hmms" later]
$3,000 is a little steep for an adolescent obsession and a weekend. They better come to the States.
4. Pete: I tell people I'm 40 and they act surprised. Then I tell them I'm immature for my age and they agree.
5. The missus, upon Spencer appearing on the screen: I think I just threw up a little in the back of my mouth.
Me: No, not really.
Matty B.: Because you're a Kven?
2. Me: I'm telling you, trailer in the country, lots of cats, and I'll sit on the front porch with a shotgun and keep the world at bay.
The missus: That's starting to sound good.
3. Me (an internal monologue): We could fly to London, take the train to Chester or Wolverhampton, catch an EPL match, then see the reunited Squeeze, all in one weekend. How much could that be?
[Mouse clicks, keyboard clicks, several "hmms" later]
$3,000 is a little steep for an adolescent obsession and a weekend. They better come to the States.
4. Pete: I tell people I'm 40 and they act surprised. Then I tell them I'm immature for my age and they agree.
5. The missus, upon Spencer appearing on the screen: I think I just threw up a little in the back of my mouth.
Labels: family, humor, Laguna Beach, LC, MTV, Shows I don't watch, Squeeze, Team Heidi, The Hills, travel, Weirdness
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Damn you Quentin Tarantino; or, Went back to Cali
Like for sure man.
The missus and me are back from our trip to California. NorCal, dude, we hit Oakland, Carmel, San Francisco, and Napa Valley. I asked how they get the wine into the box, but they just looked at me funny.
More to follow on a wonderful trip.
Right before I woke up this morning I had the strangest dream.
Quentin Tarantino was using a backhoe to demolish my house. I was worried about him hurting the cat, so I jumped up into the cab and beat the crap out of him. I took the keys to the backhoe and as he walked away he shouted, "I have another set of keys and tomorrow you won't be able to beat up who I send."
The next day I hear the backhoe start up so I run outside. There's two ten-year-old girls working the backhoe as it is breaking through my roof.
I jump up to the cab and the little girls look at me and say, "Our daddy said you wouldn't hurt us."
I looked at the girls and their sweet little eyes and said, "Your daddy was wrong" and I beat the crap out of them. Then I took the backhoe and drove it to Johnny Cash's backyard and got it stuck in the mud next to his tractor. His dad looked on wide-eyed.
It must have been something in the artichokes that made me dream like that.
The missus and me are back from our trip to California. NorCal, dude, we hit Oakland, Carmel, San Francisco, and Napa Valley. I asked how they get the wine into the box, but they just looked at me funny.
More to follow on a wonderful trip.
Right before I woke up this morning I had the strangest dream.
Quentin Tarantino was using a backhoe to demolish my house. I was worried about him hurting the cat, so I jumped up into the cab and beat the crap out of him. I took the keys to the backhoe and as he walked away he shouted, "I have another set of keys and tomorrow you won't be able to beat up who I send."
The next day I hear the backhoe start up so I run outside. There's two ten-year-old girls working the backhoe as it is breaking through my roof.
I jump up to the cab and the little girls look at me and say, "Our daddy said you wouldn't hurt us."
I looked at the girls and their sweet little eyes and said, "Your daddy was wrong" and I beat the crap out of them. Then I took the backhoe and drove it to Johnny Cash's backyard and got it stuck in the mud next to his tractor. His dad looked on wide-eyed.
It must have been something in the artichokes that made me dream like that.
Labels: dreams, Quentin Tarantino, travel
