The Hills Recap: Paris Changes Everything - The Hollywood Gossip

The missus is very excited at the new season of The Hills.

I of course could not care less. I don't watch stuff like that.

Labels: Laguna Beach, LC, Shows I don't watch, Team Heidi, The Hills, TV

A little ways into here and the hostess (Jessi) steals a line from the missus:

Labels: Laguna Beach, LC, Shows I don't watch, Team Heidi, The Hills

So, I don't have Internet in the house. Don't want it. I spend so much time at work in front of the computer, it's lost it's appeal as recreation. Plus, the wrists and the eyes are getting old.

So, there's a tiny bit of free time I have now. The missus and I decide to treat ourselves to Las Rosas. Good as always, but I wouldn't get the shrimp tacos again. The fish tacos are much better and the shrimp was little frozen ones.

Fortified by two margaritas, I settle down into my chair with my copy of Hemingway's short stories. I've been fascinated by Hills Like White Elephants since I first read it a million years ago. There's something about the line: "Would you please please please please please please please Stop talking." It seems so real.

Anyway, somehow the missus has put on one of those stupid MTV reality shows that I don't watch: The Hills, Season 3.

I put my nose back into Ebrol but still happen to notice that the cap-toothed weasel, Spencer, who makes the missus throw up a little when she sees him (Spencer Reflux Disease), is back on and even more desperate for air time. He even proposed to Heidi, but didn't it seem so contrived and planned?

Anyway, the season teaser at the end of episode one has put has squarely on Team LC now. Damn that Heidi! Damn her to hell!

"Do you feel better?" he asked.
"I feel fine," she said. "There's nothing wrong with me. I feel fine."

Labels: Laguna Beach, LC, Shows I don't watch, Team Heidi, The Hills, The Missus, West Oaks

I just experienced it.

Labels: Laguna Beach, LC, Shows I don't watch, Team Heidi, The Hills

1. Matty B.: So, you all don't celebrate St. Patrick's Day?

Me: No, not really.

Matty B.: Because you're a Kven?

2. Me: I'm telling you, trailer in the country, lots of cats, and I'll sit on the front porch with a shotgun and keep the world at bay.

The missus: That's starting to sound good.

3. Me (an internal monologue): We could fly to London, take the train to Chester or Wolverhampton, catch an EPL match, then see the reunited Squeeze, all in one weekend. How much could that be?

[Mouse clicks, keyboard clicks, several "hmms" later]

$3,000 is a little steep for an adolescent obsession and a weekend. They better come to the States.

4. Pete: I tell people I'm 40 and they act surprised. Then I tell them I'm immature for my age and they agree.

5. The missus, upon Spencer appearing on the screen: I think I just threw up a little in the back of my mouth.

Labels: family, humor, Laguna Beach, LC, MTV, Shows I don't watch, Squeeze, Team Heidi, The Hills, travel, Weirdness

I am not going to get sucked into a Laguna Beach spinoff. I'm 40. No way.

Too late. Dang, that's funny:

Meanwhile, does Lisa Loveless think that Lauren is retarded? When she asks Lauren to do something she talks real slow at Lauren and nods her head a lot too. I think she thinks Lauren has no clue what's going on. She totally did this when she told Lauren about the fashion show in LA that she had to attend.

It's hard to make me feel sympathy for Spencer, but Heidi sure did it with that fake pregnancy scare.

Man, there's more:

After the opening credits, we then found ourselves at Bolthouse Productions where Heidi was taking a break from her busy job of sitting around.

Labels: Laguna Beach, LC, Shows I don't watch, Team Heidi, The Hills